Worries

Well since I sit here all the time and do side projects instead of jumping right into school, I'm going to make time to post on here if I can. I've quite a few people tell me that I should write to get my feelings and thoughts out since I have so many of them. I agree, I think one of my biggest problems is the fact that there is always so much going on inside my mind that I can't keep up with it and I get confused and forget stuff.

I'm currently frusterated on how much everything costs and how hard it is to get a house. Chris and I have been working towards getting a house for such a long time and it finally looks like we might have the means within three years to do so. It's all to busy for me, overwhelming is a better word I think. Like by the time we are able to get a house I will be out of school and it will be time to start paying off my school loans. The number one thing that I'm doing once I get out is consolidating them so that they payments aren't going to be like $400 a month. So the original worries that I have when I finish school, is 1. consolidate, 2. find a job, 3. whatever the hell else is happening at that time. Ok, so now it looks like we will be worrying about a house either before this, or at the same time as this. As far as things stand right now we will either be living on one side of mom or on one side of grammy or buying a house some where else in Monmouth or Leeds. Confusing much? Yeah it really is for me. I want the whole, where we are going to live plan to be a lot more solid than it currently is.

I'm going to list my worries here right now, current and five year future. That way, hopefully, I wont worry about them so much. How that makes any sense I'm not sure yet, so I'll have to let you know when I know. Ok here goes in no particular order:
1. My marriage and it's status
2. Passing classes with a 93 or above to stay with a 4.0, but want it to be more like nothing below a 97 just because I want to do the absolute best.
3. Getting a job
4. Getting my license, Chris's license, and the car on the road.
5. Keeping the house clean and neat
6. Paying Brian back
7. Paying my mom and grammy back
8. Paying off my credit cards and NOT using them unless it's an emergency or I have the money to put back on it.
9. Chris's health and happiness
10. My friends and families health and happiness
11. My own health and happiness
12. Fulfilling my job as a wife
13. Getting loans for my uncovered school balances
14. Getting a loan for a house
15. Paying my college loans
16. Fixing up our apartment
17. Staying current on bills
18. Getting a job after college
19. Getting a house I will love
20. Getting rid of my unhealthy vices

Well there ya go, I actively worry about 20 things give or take. That is a lot and that sucks. Oh well, I do feel a little better now I guess. I should really do my classes and Chris will be calling me in 20 minutes, so I need to be ready for his call and not in the middle of anything. I'll be back when I have more to say.

Week One Over

I've finished the first week of my classes and I'm a little intimidated. I'm taking Digital Layout and Web Page Design this term and the projects are huge. There is so much to learn and do, now I know why I only got two classes this term. They are monstrous! Week one was pretty easy and laid back, but I've looked over the assignments for week two and I already have a huge project due! Hence the intimidation. I'm hoping it will be easier than it looks and I'll fly right through.

Any who, this project is a spread for a magazine. I haven't gotten any ideas yet on what to do, but I'm sure Chris will help me out, he always does. I was reading my web page design book and it was talking about finding your muse. I was all panicked, thinking, "muse? I have no friggin muse!" Well I found it, and funny enough it was right under my nose the whole time! I'm sure you've guessed by now, but yeah, Chris is my muse. He always sparks the best ideas in me, when I bounce things off him. He's really great for that. He helped me come up with my latest project Kung Fu Kitties and that was a huge hit. I intend on posting my finals from my projects here as soon as I'm motivated enough to put my name and copyright on all of them. Who knows when that will be of course. Especially with these big class assignments looming over my head.

Chris and I may not be going through the best of times right now, but he still inspires me and of course I still love him. He can be a huge pain in the ass and drive me up a skyscraper, but I'm sure I'm no peach either. And yes, skyscraper, not just wall, skyscraper. Things are good for awhile and then something gets brought back up that is touchy and boom we are all out into fisticuffs again (not really, just figuratively). I'm hoping that some counseling will do us good and help us work everything out. It sometimes seems like we weren't even coherent during our first years of the relationship and then boom we are married and need to work shit out. I personally think God played his hand here. He knows me and He knows that I might have given up and hated myself for it, so he put us into the bonds of marriage to keep our hearts close and our minds focused on fulfilling the promises and vows we made to each other. This is definitely a good thing. I am by no means "stuck" with Chris, I choose to stay by his side and be his, even through all the hardships, no matter how frequent they are. After all I made the promise to stick by when all is not right in our world, so I want to keep it.

On another slightly grosser note. I have an infected tooth and holy hell does it hurt like a bitch. We of course haven't gotten our co-pay info or anything else like that for our dental insurance, yay, isn't that fun. I have been popping Ibuprofen like candy trying to keep the pain at a dull roar instead of a screeching siren. It seems to work for the most part, although sitting here talking about it, I know that I will be needed more meds soon. I believe it has been past the safe time to take more. I'm still sick as well which totally blows. They want me to go in to the Red Cross and volunteer on Tuesday and I just want to sit here and rest, but I suppose I should go in, I said I would before I got sick. I also have a ton of chores to catch up on. ACK, how did I get here in all this mess damnit. Oh well I guess I'll go get the broom and start sweeping it up into a nice neat pile and jump on in. Later.