Prediction

I knew it would happen. I was hoping that I was wrong and that this was it and I could be happy now. As always it started creeping in like a dark, foggy mist at first, and then the mist thickened into black, wafting clouds. Steadily surrounding me and drowning me like a dark swirling ocean. I try so hard to swim to the top and get out, but the clouds crash down on me and keep me below, in the dark. I feel it in my stomach first, then it moves to my head and starts it's radical take over. I hate this, I hate it so much. How can I stop it? I just want to scream and cry and forget all this pain. I feel so helpless and pathetic, and yet I have to keep the facade going, I have to. I have to do it for the sake of everyone else. I feel like I'm being eating up from the inside out. It feels like a horrible self destruction that I can't stop. I go to counseling, I know all the answers to emotion issues as a general, and yet even KNOWING all these answers things just won't change. I try so hard it exhausts me. I've lost my place for the time, so I'll be back tonight.