*sigh*

Things are as stressful as ever around here, Chris and I are pretty much on edge. He told me today that I am filled with so much hate...that just goes to show he doesn't know me. He only sees what is on the outside of me. I'd think after 3 years he would be able to see through my facade and know me for who I really am, but I guess he can't. I see through his facade and know who he is and he doesn't like it. I don't know what to do, he says that he wants to listen to me, but I don't know if I know what to say now. It seems like no matter how hard we try we can never be on the same page. I don't even hate a single person in this world, people just annoy me with their ignorance and stupidity. I'm by NO means saying that I'm not ignorant or stupid, because I think everyone is at some point, it's the habitually stupid and ignorant people that bug me, and they seem to be very prevalent in this town. I'm just really confused and lost and I have no idea how to refind my way. I'm just blindly feeling around in the dark and all I do is keep bumping into stuff. I'm just so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying, and tired of failing. I know these are all things that everyone needs to deal with, but this is my blog so I can complain all I want. I just wish I could handle everything the way I want to and know I should, but my stupid emotions keep grabbing the control that my head should have. I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and wishes and hopes. I know that I am the only one that can change anything, but I just want to give up and sleep forever. However the bummer about that is that I always seem to have bad dreams. My dreams are becoming increasingly strange, but I seem to have lost my book on dreams, so I have no idea what any of them mean and all the dream sites I have found aren't very helpful unless I have money to spend which I don't. I'm just lost and I want to be found, but I need to find myself. I always feel like crying, and there is always a feeling on separation within myself, because I want to be alone, but I really hate being alone and I love being around people. Recently I have been distancing myself though, because I'm so edgy and sad. The problem with me being sad is that I always want to cover it up, so I end up getting mad at myself and taking it out on everyone else. Well I gotta do guildy duties bye for now.