Long Night Looming
I'm sitting here smoking a butt and wondering why I couldn't sleep today. I know this is only going to make my night harder. I miss Chris so much already, and he's only in the other room sleeping. He drank to fast again today and got sick, so I did my best to take care of him, I stayed with him and drew him a bath, I ended up falling asleep leaning on the side of the tub. I was worried though, because the water had drained out so much that even if Chris did slip in more he would have been ok, he too had of course passed out. I let him sleep in the tub for an hour and a half before I woke him up to take him back into the bedroom. He felt a lot better and he has been asleep snoring loudly since, I only hope he'll feel ok when he gets up.
It was kinda sad when he was coherent, he kept saying how horrible he was and how much he sucked, because I had to take care of him, and really I don't mind at all. I always hope that he won't get sick, but when he does, I'd want someone like me around. People drink to fast or to much and they get sick every now and again, I figure why let them suffer more by making them be alone and sick, I just try to make him as comfortable as possible until he is better. I also remember taking care of Cin once or twice when she had to much to drink. There is a selfish aspect of it too, it makes me feel useful and helpful all at the same time. Plus I get the satisfaction of them being better sooner usually.
I have to wake him up in half an hour so he can get ready for work tonight. I have so much to do tonight, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I took a night off and slept last night, because I felt so drained from everything. I need to catch up on chores tonight, and then I'll probably end up falling asleep again. I really need to change this schedule if I want to be awake for Chris's night off. I unfortunately end up falling asleep and he follows which isn't good for his schedule. I need to think more about his sleep than mine right now, because he works out of the home, so he needs it more. I can sleep pretty much any time because I do work and school at home.
I was a little sad today, because I wanted to celebrate my graduation, if you want to call it that, and I can't. Cin and Kat invited me over to have some beers with them, but I really wanted Chris to be there too, but with work all the time he really couldn't be, besides being sick. We've become very close over these past few months, even closer than we were before. He took a lot of big steps today in realizing himself, and I was really proud of him. He is starting to learn why he does some of the really crazy things he does that are really pretty foolish.
The more I think about it the more I realize that I probably would be a good councilor, but it's just not want I want to do with my life. I don't come right out and tell Chris everything about his issues, I give him keys and hint to help him unlock them himself, I think you learn a lot more that way. There are some people that think it is wrong for me to try and help him emotionally because we are together, but he loves that I do that and I'm glad to be able to help him, so for once in his life he is able to be proud of himself. No one ever let him be proud of himself, he has been stepped on and squished out and never appreciated for how great he really is. He said today that one of the reasons he loves me is because I don't test him and I don't push him, I just love him, and I try to do that as much as I can. It's not my job to test him, that is something that God does and I should leave that to him.
I don't say that I do everything right, I don't even say I do most things right, but if it's ok with him (Chris), then I guess it's ok, since he is the one I am trying to please. I have an "only trying to help" complex that tends to make things worse sometimes, but I think Chris does a good job at letting me know when I'm doing something wrong. I love him very much and I do want him to happy, and he has made it VERY clear over the past week or so that being with me is the key to his happiness, so I guess I ought to quit with letting him know that if he thinks he would be happier he could leave and I would understand. I need to remember that sometimes he just bitches about shit, not necessarily because it bothers him so much, but because, well, he's a bitcher :p. We definitely have our shit, but we always have our greatness. I really do believe that we can overcome anything together, we just need to remember to stay together about it, and I need to remember that things aren't always as hopeless as they seem. I love that man, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with him, just as I vowed, through good times and bad.
Well it's about that time now that I need to wake him up, so I'm gonna go get the ibuprofen and some cold water and hope he doesn't have to bad of a hang over if any. My sweet sweet drunkard lol.
It was kinda sad when he was coherent, he kept saying how horrible he was and how much he sucked, because I had to take care of him, and really I don't mind at all. I always hope that he won't get sick, but when he does, I'd want someone like me around. People drink to fast or to much and they get sick every now and again, I figure why let them suffer more by making them be alone and sick, I just try to make him as comfortable as possible until he is better. I also remember taking care of Cin once or twice when she had to much to drink. There is a selfish aspect of it too, it makes me feel useful and helpful all at the same time. Plus I get the satisfaction of them being better sooner usually.
I have to wake him up in half an hour so he can get ready for work tonight. I have so much to do tonight, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I took a night off and slept last night, because I felt so drained from everything. I need to catch up on chores tonight, and then I'll probably end up falling asleep again. I really need to change this schedule if I want to be awake for Chris's night off. I unfortunately end up falling asleep and he follows which isn't good for his schedule. I need to think more about his sleep than mine right now, because he works out of the home, so he needs it more. I can sleep pretty much any time because I do work and school at home.
I was a little sad today, because I wanted to celebrate my graduation, if you want to call it that, and I can't. Cin and Kat invited me over to have some beers with them, but I really wanted Chris to be there too, but with work all the time he really couldn't be, besides being sick. We've become very close over these past few months, even closer than we were before. He took a lot of big steps today in realizing himself, and I was really proud of him. He is starting to learn why he does some of the really crazy things he does that are really pretty foolish.
The more I think about it the more I realize that I probably would be a good councilor, but it's just not want I want to do with my life. I don't come right out and tell Chris everything about his issues, I give him keys and hint to help him unlock them himself, I think you learn a lot more that way. There are some people that think it is wrong for me to try and help him emotionally because we are together, but he loves that I do that and I'm glad to be able to help him, so for once in his life he is able to be proud of himself. No one ever let him be proud of himself, he has been stepped on and squished out and never appreciated for how great he really is. He said today that one of the reasons he loves me is because I don't test him and I don't push him, I just love him, and I try to do that as much as I can. It's not my job to test him, that is something that God does and I should leave that to him.
I don't say that I do everything right, I don't even say I do most things right, but if it's ok with him (Chris), then I guess it's ok, since he is the one I am trying to please. I have an "only trying to help" complex that tends to make things worse sometimes, but I think Chris does a good job at letting me know when I'm doing something wrong. I love him very much and I do want him to happy, and he has made it VERY clear over the past week or so that being with me is the key to his happiness, so I guess I ought to quit with letting him know that if he thinks he would be happier he could leave and I would understand. I need to remember that sometimes he just bitches about shit, not necessarily because it bothers him so much, but because, well, he's a bitcher :p. We definitely have our shit, but we always have our greatness. I really do believe that we can overcome anything together, we just need to remember to stay together about it, and I need to remember that things aren't always as hopeless as they seem. I love that man, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with him, just as I vowed, through good times and bad.
Well it's about that time now that I need to wake him up, so I'm gonna go get the ibuprofen and some cold water and hope he doesn't have to bad of a hang over if any. My sweet sweet drunkard lol.
posted by Angel Remer at 8:25 PM
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