Surprise, Surprise

I want to say so much, but I don't feel like talking about it if that makes any sense. I have the same research paper to do that I was working on last night and my mind is on my pain. Things are more rocky between me and Chris than they ever have been. Just when you think things couldn't get worse they always seem to have a way of doing that don't they? I'm really starting to see him leaving me as a serious thing. Before I had always worried about it, but never thought it could REALLY happen. Things have changed. He has changed. I've never felt a pain like this before. In almost all of the other relationships I've been in it's hurt in a different way. In all of those relationships I have not wanted it to end because I didn't want to be alone, but now I don't want to be without him. As I stated in a previous post how can you live without your love? It hurts so much more because I know he can't be replaced. I know the feelings I have with him can never be better with anyone else. I don't honestly think I would ever want to be with anyone else. I can definitely say that it is true about being able to let someone go if that will truly make them happy when you really love them. Before I just wanted to posses people and keep them, not about their happiness, but now I just want him to be happy and as it stands right now I have a feeling that that might hurt a lot more than I'm prepared for. I have words that just pop in my head randomly and it tends to reflect my mood, and now the word I have is pain. I can't even describe how horrible I feel except with the single word of pain. I feel like I'm oozing pain out of my pores, and that in a way that is my name. In my experience currently there is no greater pain that being close to losing your true love. That scares me more than gremlins, spiders, or any other fear I may have because if THIS hurts this much how much will it hurt if he does leave me? More on this later, for now, buffalo wings.